nightly i've gone through a painful ritual of reliving my teenage years (lololol as if those are far behind me, i still live with the remnants of my bullshit naivety) and it is very unsettling to remember the difficulty that i had making friends. is it possible to be unaware of your own deformity? because that's what it feels like. looking back, i am both fascinated and horrified by my ignorance of how little i had (in terms of friends, possessions and support). i have lead an ugly life.
as if this isn't morose enough, this moodiness has translated into laziness and all i can bring myself to do is watch ABC's what would you do on youtube in parts. when i ask myself what i'd do, i know prematurely that i would only have strength enough to walk away.