i guess i'll look back on this and tell myself that i was lucky. that this happened when i was old enough to choose not to care, instead of being shoved off my ledge of idealist, tender-aged happiness. there is a world of hurt at the bottom, and at least i've come to expect it before i've reached it. it's just too bad the fall takes a million years.
it's difficult to determine whether this will be like all the other times. whether it'll whittle down to a sliver of bad intention, where we'll all stop and stop talking and live life like we're supposed to. go through all the motions and pretend for a few months that we don't know what happens next.
it's different now because you can't do this anymore. i get it. this is the first time you've wanted to leave. the first time you mentioned it before she did.
i should be upset, but i'm not. because when you have no expectations, you don't get upset. and i've never expected anything. because you both had nothing to offer in the first place.
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